Handling Bad Behavior
The wonderfully amazing Thugs all ready to help you behave.
Many of us grew up with nuns. It's a part of our DNA and therefore we tend to lean on the strict side. We had nuns so tough if you misspelled a word they would toss you out a third story window before your next breath. A ruler across the knuckles meant they liked you and you were doing just great.
We're super-strict about our rules at E@RTC. The problem is, for some reason the crayon eaters of the world like to sneak out Mom's exotic while she's sleeping off a rough night out with some of our volunteers. (I won't say which ones… but look for rug burns.) Anyhow, we've had to be really strict because we don't want anyone to get hurt or the event shut down because some crayon muncher did a smoky burnout along Bear Creek right in front of a patrol car often positioned on each end.
They are more than ready to haul your ass off to Redmond prison where the barb wire is on the inside and you're fed nothing but Taco Bell with no toilet paper. It’s rumored that Steve McQueen once jumped the prison with a motorcycle but they still caught him.
The whole place gets to watch you get hogtied and tossed in a cruiser with giant 48"X57" colorful posters sent to your boss and your whole family with one going to your toothless cousin to giggle about and reminisce. I can’t even tell you what they do when you try to flip a shitty in the middle of the road.
We're not trying to be jerks anymore than the nuns who tossed us out our windows and kept a nail gun in case you said something bad about Jesus. Nuns would sometimes take you down to the principal's office by your tongue. You couldn't talk right for days. Every word sounded like "slurpee". That was all fine at the 7-Eleven, but try saying "smorgasbord".
We want you all to have the best time, but when we ban you for bad behavior, it's usually forever, meaning even if you're dead and cremated, your ashes are still not allowed. We've learned over the years that if you misbehave even once, you will do it again, so we have decided you're done for good. It's super easy to just behave unless you're into old paint chips as a mealtime snack. We've made our rules as friendly as possible so just follow them so we can keep this event going another 50 years or so when none of us are allowed to drive. We will see you all on April 4, assuming we have great weather. We never have opening day if the weather is borderline. It has to be a genuinely nice opening day. I will be there!