Hold Onto Your Water! We Finally Have…
…our opening day! This is big news after a month of delays. Yes, we're on for Saturday, April 29! You can believe your eyes; you're not dreaming! This is more exciting than a Taylor Swift breakup, more sophisticated than Madonna's plastic surgeon, and way better than watching Bill Gates dancing at the Windows 95 launch! That can't be unseen, even with the best medications money can buy…in Mexico.
This is a truly unique day for us, unlike any other each season. For one, there are a lot of newbies circling RTC like flies on poop and don’t know how to land. This means confusion. This means that, due to the first warm Saturday, they'll show up with their hot passengers dressed like the dance floor awaits. This means a lot of questions. Please read our website, our rules, and the FAQs asked most frequently, which should answer just about all of your questions, except why you were born or how you ended up naked on a shrub after eating wilderness soup and some yummy-looking berries. They said camping would be fun. Never!
Here is the entrance map for those who are new. Take a moment to study it, like you should have studied that prenuptial agreement, extended home warranty, or that timeshare. This is like reading the instructions before you start that table saw, only to wake up later in the hospital realizing how much you just wasted in piano lessons.
Note: If you try to get in line by coming south on 168th Ave, you will get sent to the back of the line. Follow the green arrow and everyone will love you, even your own mom!
There is only one way in, and that's eastbound on Bear Creek Parkway. Don't try to cut in on 168th Ave. NE, either heading south or heading west on 170th Avenue NE. Come in via Bear Creek only.
Also, when you leave the event, drive north on 168th into Redmond; do not exit onto Bear Creek Parkway. We try to keep people from gathering on that corner, and we get bad behavior from those oxygen thieves who have nothing to do with us. It's where most of the bans take place and where people get introduced to handcuffs for the first time outside the bedroom.
Opening day behavior is of critical importance to us and the continued success of E@RTC, and we immediately ban drivers that don't follow the rules and should know better. There is always that one window licker. For all you E@RTC veterans, please tell those who are new about our rules and how seriously we take bad behavior. The reason for our hard stance is simple: we want the event to remain safe and last longer than a Hollywood marriage. Behaving badly gives the whole car community a bad name and a terrible reputation, so please be a great ambassador and just follow the rules, and everything will be wonderful.
Also, we do assist both Redmond Police and the Washington State Patrol, so even if you're racing down 520, you will be caught at RTC and given a blistering ticket and possibly a trip to the crowbar hotel where you can arrange bail and your soup order. This event is a wonderful thing, so don't ruin it for everyone. If you do cause trouble, we will talk about you and call you out on this blog. Please, play nice for all of us. It's not like we're asking for a kidney.
We are the largest weekly exotic and rare car show in the US, and we're not a Cars and Coffee for some of these reasons. People come from a long way just to attend, and they are far more impressed when you behave. One guy is coming all the way from Tapped Nut, Missouri! We've yet to get anyone from Fresno. We know this because nobody walked into the fountain.
Exotics are coming down from Canada! Cars too! We will definitely see some new stuff we've not seen before. Of course, a few of us will be fatter. Almost nobody will be thinner, except for someone who got a Jenny Craig gift card or ate at Chipotle and Taco Bell in the same week or went camping and made wilderness soup. You know Jenny Craig is 90? All from getting rich making you eat food out of tiny little bags. I'll bet by now she says "f*ck it" and wraps her feet around five gallons of rocky road and digs in.
See you all on Saturday! I'll be there, so please say hello if you see me wandering around like the cow that crossed the fence. I'll be in a green shirt.